… Because someone has to say it.

(See the new drop-box for features and trades below and to the left. Yes! They do exist.)

Hello from the land of retail! That magical place where dreams come true and the populace answers the call to spend spend spend! Yes, it’s the most wonderful time… sing it with me now… to drink beer… Where blow hards are blowing and rudeness is showing, stick it in your earrrrrrrr… It’s the most wonderful time, to drink beer!

Okay, so all kidding aside, those who know me know it’s the season where I disappear for a little while. There are just too many things to get done in too little hours that writing suffers, along with my mood and wallet. Having Wolfshine this year helps immensely, and it doesn’t hurt that I want to spread the good cheer with her too. The one thing to keep in mind in retail is that come January third it will all be over for another year.

For those wondering, we made it through Black Friday pretty easily, even though this year I had to be one of those on the sales floor at four in the morning. (No, the world did not end.) But let me be the first to tell you, I stand by my opinion that there is nothing in this world important enough to require pants before eleven in the morning. Nothing. Count on it.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful affair spent in the company of Wolfshine’s family. We ate, and ate well. Speaking of eating well, I baked my first pie ever, a buttermilk one, last weekend, and it was so well received by my love that she nominated me the official pie baker of the household. I’ll be trying my luck in the next two weeks by attempting to bake more. Such good stuff, and for those who have never heard of it, look it up. Buttermilk pie uses a cup of buttermilk, but it also uses a cup and a half of sugar. Sweetness overload, but so worth the diabetic coma. I have witnesses!

In further news from the land of retail, Walmart corporate is determined that we should meet our projected goals in sales numbers for the season. Because our competitors decided to remain open until eight pm on Christmas Eve this year, all of our company stores are following suit - and right now the push is on to get enough volunteers to stay till nine pmish, since the schedules for that week were already made before that decision to extend the hours was made. Yeah Bentonville… good luck with that.

Let me just say this: I would believe that most of America would like to be home with their families on Christmas Eve. The one day and a half that Walmart associates are guaranteed off a year being in jeopardy not withstanding, I can speak from experience knowing I’d like to be home too. Since I’m pretty sure Bentonville would like me fired for saying any of this, you didn’t hear it from me. But I would encourage all Americans to get home by 5 pm on Christmas Eve and stay there. Let these big chain stores understand by not showing up that it doesn’t pay to shackle their associates inside on such traditional days, and nip this kind of behavior in the bud. (Or we’ll be open on Christmas Day in two years, and if you think we’re snarly now… well, there is nothing you need so last minute that won’t be there in the stores on the day after, I promise.)

Finally, I’ll leave you with an amusing little story, also from the land of retail.

Having gotten off of work with my Wolfshine in tow late one recent night, we went off for our weekly grocery shopping plus our Christmas extras… Over two hundred dollars spent and simply the most I’ve ever spent in Walmart at one time. Having worked the whole day, and then shopped for over an hour, I was in no mood to spend a lengthy time at the checkout counter (one of three open at the hour) and we loaded up the belt behind a sweet little old lady in a mart-cart and a nice young gentleman with two bottles of wine.

Much to my annoyance I learned that said sweet little old lady was not entirely with it, for her reaction to being rung up for 25$ worth of purchases was a little like the kind of sticker shock one gets when looking at a new BMW. First it appeared she’d lost her wallet, then her checkbook, then checkbook was found, then cash was found and exchanged (15$ short) and the cash was re-exchanged. After a long and confused discourse between customer and cashier over the non-necessity of filling out the whole check, the whole check was in fact filled out and handed over, with the poor cashier staring at the document in question the way a bank official reads a draft request from a body in Kenya.

Finally the check was pushed protesting into the reader at the register, which then went into apoplexy and demanded an appropriate form of ID. ID not being a recognized term of usage in this little old lady’s world, she proceeded to rifle through her purse and offer up several questionable pieces of plastic, including but not limited to a Sears card, a bingo ticket, and a Sam’s Club card ("It's got my picture on it"), but alas, nothing the cashier, the management (by this time involved) or the government recognizes to be a valid form of ID.

By this time I was rather badly aggravated and had several suggestions as to what the little old lady could do with the various pieces of plastic she was trying to unsuccessfully pass off as proper identification. I was kind enough to send the man with the bottles of wine to the next open cashier, but with all of our items down the belt there was no way Wolfshine and I were going anywhere. Being a semi-polite sort of individual wishing to keep my job at the establishment, I gritted my teeth and continued to watch what unfolded.

Again it was brought up that there was cash to be had, and this time it was management’s turn to find out that the cash available was in fact fifteen dollars short. “Well, is there something we can put back this time?” they asked. And the flustered little old lady sat and fidgeted and fussed and finally declared that she didn’t need anything but the package of batteries. As the manager started to go through the bag of purchases it was explained by both customer and cashier that she had in fact brought a few items into the store with her, and that those items should be left in the shopping bag.

All items returned, the cashier took the batteries to ring them up, and discovered that the package had been opened, and that several batteries were missing. Upon being informed of this information, the manager bent down to the poor little old lady, and asked her if she was aware of this. To which the poor little old lady replied, “Yes, the nice man in the back of the store took the batteries out and put them in my monkey.”

I will say to their credit that both cashier and manager managed to take this information in stride, both apparently having seen said stuffed electronic toy in the grocery sack. Both smiled and finished the business at hand. I however, not having this information, turned to Wolfshine and doubled over the basket, chewing my laughter back so hard that the "Part in my hair turned red” according to my beloved, who was smiling as much as the manager.

Grateful not to have lost my temper earlier, I felt I’d been rewarded for my patience with the best laugh I’d had in weeks. And this kind of thing happens to our cashiers all the time…

Next time you’re in Walmart, try playing Bingo: [link] . Realize we’ve already got you beaten, several times over. And have a happy holiday season. I’m sure you’ll agree that we all deserve it, each and every one.

k

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Webcam Picture taken from internet.

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So - I’ll continue to continue - to pretend
My life - will never end
And flowers - never bend
With the rainfall

~ Flowers Never Bend With the Rainfall - Simon and Garfunkle ~

"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." Tom Clancy

"So you want to know the best way to address a dragon do you? Well, keep this at hand. Pencil and paper. You thought I was going to say "wit and wisdom" or such no? But you're wrong. For when dealing with dragons, if you're face to face with one, then you've already left wit and wisdom far behind you." ~ Taleron Kindrake

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